Cheeky Bastard
by PsychoSweetHeart
Summary: Joker threaten's Gotham so he can have a chat with Batman! The problem is... he threatening to kill Bruce Wayne! Oneshot! (A little bit of swearing)


Cheeky Bastard!

"Gotham! How are ya?" The Joker leered into the camera. The film was now being played on GCN. "Long time no…" He turned the camera away from his face to film the scenery. A wide span of water was set out before him. "… Sea!" …Was the punch line. Of course it was not the sea, it was only Gotham river. "I'm joined here by Playboy-Billionaire, Bruce Wayne…" Now he whirled the camera round to show Bruce chained up and gagged with a couple of bruises on his cheeks, a black eye and possibly broken nose. He would've easily been able to get himself out of this but he had no tools and chains weren't easy to break out of. Besides he didn't want to give himself away… Especially to the clown. "…He appears to have suffered a bad case of the _black-and_-blues. Haha!" It was a bad joke, like every one of the clown's jokes. He continued to grin and sneer at the camera. People watching it at home cringed and sat on the edge of their seats mouth's agape staring at their screens. It was so terrifying to see their playboy billionaire about to meet his demise that no one could quite bring him/herself to switch it off. Mothers and fathers covered their children's eyes not wanting to corrupt their innocence.

"I guess you're probably wondering what I want this time!" Joker teased. "No, not money or jewels or that much recognition. I want Batman. Just to talk to for a while." So, if no one turns of the bat-signal by midnight tonight and Batman doesn't arrive to save the oh-so helpless playboy-billionaire… I drop the spoilt brat in the drink attached to an anchor… then we'll see if Batsy doesn't want to talk!" He drew the camera closer to his face still with that eerie, evil grin! "Joker… over and out… for now Gotham…" He cackled and jeered before the camera cut out.

The camera was then dropped onto the deck of the little fishing boat, denting the wood and cracking the lens. Joker stared at it momentarily before turning his attention Bruce Wayne who was feigning fear of the clown.

"Oh Brucey! Brucey, Brucey, Brucey! You'd better hope you're saved because look what I've got to ensure you don't float to the surface…" The clown moved over to a control panel for the fishing nets and pulled a lever, lifting a small net full of piranha. Only these were not your average piranha as they all had the face of the Joker.

"Like 'em?" Joker asked grinning nastily. Bruce pulled an even more fearful face at the jester-man. "Good, because you'll be very acquainted soon enough! And you know the best part?" Joker walked back over to Bruce and crouched next to him. He took the back of his head in his hand and pulled him up so the billionaire's ear was next to him mouth. Then in a soft, low growl, he said; "No one else knows what's gonna happen to you…" He pulled away and spoke louder. "It'll be our little secret." He then began to chuckle madly in Bruce's face before he stepped away still giggling to pull something out of his coat pocket. Bruce didn't get to see it but when he felt a sharp prick in his skin he knew all too well what it was.

He was then covered over with a thin blanket and a tarpaulin for warmth. Joker threw the syringe into Gotham River before going into the cabin for a drink and a ciggie. Not before lowering the fish into the water again though.

**6 hours later**

Joker was stood back out on the deck in the dark and now cold. Bruce was still under the tarp but awake and writhing to get free. Joker took out a pocket watch and glanced at the time. It was five to twelve.

"Where is he?" The clown grumbled. "Nothing more important is happening! No one is more important than me. Who knows what I could've done to this prick. Stupid Batman." He checked the pocket watch again. Midnight. He giggled in his throat and looked over at thee still wriggling tarp. "Time's up Brucey! You have to take a long swim!" He giggled and chuckled some more.

He ripped the tarp and blanket off Bruce to pick him up in a fireman's lift. "Oh, Brucey, you're getting rather big now." Joker giggled. He took him over to the side with the fish and dropped him into the water. It now made it easier for Bruce to get the chains off before the piranhas were released. Meanwhile Joker was giggling and cackling crazily as he pulled the lever opening the net for the fish to freely swim out to eat their long awaited dinner. The clown went back to sit pretzel style by the edge of the boat to wait for the water to turn red.

Another disappointment came for the jester when it didn't.

"Two disappointing events today. No Batman and now my fishies aren't getting their dinner. How did this happen? What if Batsy did have somewhere better to be? But I checked the schedule for every other psycho! No one else had plans! Where was he!? And now I don't get to see Bruce Wayne's blood in the water! How did he get away?" Then things began to add up in his head. Batman didn't turn up… He was occupied… Bruce Wayne isn't eaten…

Then it all became clear.

"Cheeky Bastard…"

* * *

**So just a little take on how Joker could find out that Bruce is Batman! I hope you enjoyed it! I know this wasn't a very Christmasy story! But Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays! See you soon! :) :) :) :) **


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